WHEN YOU GIVE ME SEXUAL PLEASURE,
I JUST MIGHT
FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU –
EVEN IF WE HAVEN’T
DONE THE DEED YET
Tabacco: It is without serious Argument that Homosexuality is a Biblical SIN! But then so is EATING PORK! Many Homophobes can’t get enough PORK RIBS, BACON, PORK SAUSAGE, PORKCHOPS etc. etc. These FOLKS are HYPOCRITES – that Fact is also without serious Argument!
I’ve read Leviticus, and that Book makes no distinction between the ‘Sin’ of Homosexuality and the ‘Sin’ of ‘Eating Pork’! But Homophobes do make their own distinction. That’s tantamount to WRITING THEIR OWN BIBLE! Tabacco calls these guys ‘CHERRY PICKERS’!
But this is not about Biblical Sin! The reason for this is because THE BIBLE IS NOT THE WORD OF GOD!
Yahweh, the ‘God’ in Genesis, was an Extraterrestrial. Only an ET could have said, ‘Jews are the chosen ones’! The TRUE GOD would NEVER have said such a thing. And to whom was Yahweh referring when he said, “Let’s make mankind in our image…”? Jesus had not yet been born when Genesis was in its infancy. The Holy Ghost is an unproven mythology. So to whom was Yahweh speaking originally, before the creation of mankind, when he re-spoke those words to Biblical Scribes? And why would the TRUE GOD require a ‘DAY OF REST’? That sounds MORTAL to me, Folks – how about you!
MALE SEXUAL PHYSIOLOGY
Tabacco: Click on Image to enlarge for easier reading!
Tabacco: A Male or Female Proctologist might find it a little strange however if the ejaculating patient made appointments for prostate exams every month or fortnight or so! (A little Prostate Humor)
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF
A Series of Essays on Male Sexuality
Understanding Male Sexuality: All the Information you Did Not Learn From your Parents, Your Friends or in Your High School Sex Education Class!
by David Sebringsil
Edited by Tabacco for Brevity! This is a very long Post! Remember the subject is
‘Is Homosexuality Really Unnatural?’
To read the entire Post, go to URL above!
This information is intended for those who wish to learn more about male sexuality–particularly information about topics that are considered to be too complicated, controversial or perhaps too embarrassing to discuss. The topics discussed here are loosely based on my responses to several hundred e-mail questions that have dealt with a variety of complicated but interesting issues related to male sexuality.
Basic Plumbing and Electrical
A suitable starting point is to begin with a discussion of how the basic plumbing and electrical system of male sexuality works. The plumbing and electrical system is complex, but very well designed for its purpose. Medical doctors refer to the electrical system consisting of the portions of the brain governing male sexual response and the associated nerve system as the limbic system. This electrical system connected to the plumbing system–a series of arteries and veins that control the inflow and outflow of blood to and from the penis, and also is connected via nerves to assorted glands.
Arousal, Erection and Ejaculation
Men often tend to consider these together, but in reality they are separate but interrelated events, although ultimately related to each other. Any of these events can occur in the absence of the others
The Arousal Mechanism
Suppose that a man encounters something that excites him sexually. (more about what this might be later on). What happens? First, of course, messages are transmitted to the portion of the brain dedicated to sexual response. The man says to himself, “I’m turned on” which is slang for sexual arousal. Many men believe that sexual arousal is always accompanied by an erection, but this is not necessarily the case at this first stage. The experience of being aroused is followed by electrical signals to two tiny glands that lie along the sides of the urethra where the tube that leads from the bladder through the tip of the penis. These two glands, called the Cowper’s glands, are located inside the body directly above a point behind the scrotum called the perineum.
These little-recognized glands play a role in the male sexual response. They are primarily responsible for the production of glistening drops of a clear, slippery fluid sometimes called pre-ejaculate, but known also in slang as “ooze” or “precum”. For many men, if not most, the first physical indication of sexual arousal is the formation of a drop or two of this fluid at the tip of the penis, even before erection occurs. Some men believe that when this fluid appears, they are already starting to leak ejaculate but this is not the case. This fluid acts as a lubricant for sperm and semen and lubricates the tip of the penis in sexual intercourse. Its pH level is quite high and it is very slippery. Research suggests that the high pH may help decrease the acidity of the vagina, thereby increasing the chance that the sperm will be able to fertilize the egg. Nature is very creative; it thinks of everything. Nature is at its very best when creating systems to ensure the continuation of the species, and the human system is one of its best and most elaborate efforts. The sexual arousal section of the brain sends signals to the cowper’s glands (sometimes called the bulbourethral glands) telling them go into action. This is an automatic result of sexually exciting stimuli, and thus outside of conscious control: the only way to stop its production is to avoid the stimulus that is causing the sexual arousal.
A number of other things happen during the early stages of sexual arousal. First the man suddenly feels very good, psychologically. During arousal, the brain is flooded with natural chemicals that act similarly to drugs such as cocaine. These natural chemicals, called endorphins, make the man say to himself that whatever is causing the sexual arousal is very enjoyable and should be continued. If the sexual response is the result of observing another person, the man may make an effort to meet the other person involved.
Nature protects itself here and is very cunning. Nature’s goal is to continue the species. If this is to occur, it’s important that sexually attractive mates elicit a response that maximizes the chance that the two people involved will become better acquainted and perhaps eventually engage in sexual intercourse. (In case you were wondering, the arousal mechanism works identically for gay males, but the object of the sexual attraction here, is, of course, another male.)
Normally, however, arousal is followed by erection. An erection of the penis occurs as the spongy tissues of the penis are engorged with blood. There is one large primary artery responsible for blood flow into the penis, but several veins that drain the penis of blood. When an erection is not happening, the inflow of blood and the outflow is maintained in balance and the penis remains flaccid. The valves (actually flaps, according to medical experts) that control the flow of blood, however, are opened and closed by nerves that run through the spinal cord to the brain. During erection, blood flows into the penis and holes in the spongy tissue in the penis fill with blood. At the same time, flaps in the veins leading out of the penis enlarge, cutting off the drainage. As a result, the penis fills with blood. As more and more blood flows in than out, the penis enlarges and becomes harder. Finally, veins in the penis are compressed from the increasing pressure from the erection itself. Not only that, the heart rate and blood pressure increase, the pressure of blood into the penis increases, keeping the penis the hardest.
What can go wrong with the plumbing system? Several things. Those with spinal cord injuries are frequently unable to attain an erection because the nerves that control the valves in the veins and arteries have been severed. If these valves cannot be opened and closed an erection is impossible. As a man ages, the valves (flaps) controlling the veins that must be shut off may leak a bit, and not prevent the outflow of blood. And the blood flow into the penis may be restricted.
Also, as a man ages, the main penis artery may fill with sludge, reducing blood inflow. Smoking may contribute to this, as it does to the buildup of sludge in other portions of the circulatory system. Furthermore, alcohol use may decrease the ability of the nervous system to close off the necessary valves. That’s why intoxicated men often cannot get and maintain an erection. Bicycle and other injuries to the groin area can be dangerous in that the main artery controlling blood flow to the penis may be squeezed shut, making a firm erection difficult or even impossible.
The size of the erection may be relatively unrelated to the size of the non-erect penis. Typically, those with smaller penises tend to enlarge to a greater degree when erect, so the differences in the size of the erect penis may not be that great. According to the book “Man’s Body”, the average flaccid penis is about 3 3/4 inches long with most falling between 3 1/4 and 4 1/4 inches, though a few fall outside this range. The average erect penis is 6 1/4 inches, with most between 5 and 7 inches, though a few are smaller and larger. A somewhat tongue in cheek primary data survey is at How Do you Measure Up?
A Newsweek article (September 16, 1996, p. 73) reported American Geriatric Society average data on the angle of erection from horizontal of the erect penis by age. The data are as follows:
20 10 degrees up from horizontal
30 20 degrees up from horizontal
40 1 degree up from horizontal
50 1 degree down from horizontal
70 25 degrees down from horizontal
I wonder how data like these are collected!
An article in Men’s Health Magazine (June, 1996) indicates that these data are overly optimistic, and that the average erect penis length now widely accepted by doctors is 5.1 inches. This seems a bit short to me, at least for an average number, but if these data become widely known, most men may be happy to find out that they are “above average”. Part of the problem is that scientific data on this is difficult to collect by other parties, and men, if they measure themselves in private, are perhaps sometimes prone to brag a bit. Furthermore, erect penis length varies with the degree of erection.
Tabacco: I’m certain that both women and gay men have their own statistical analyses!
Past puberty, in the teen years, and perhaps during the twenties, it is possible to get a full erection without any manual stimulation at all. As men age beyond the 20s, this occurs less and less frequently and increasingly some manual manipulation of the penis is needed. As the penis becomes increasingly erect, the nerve endings located there gradually become more and more sensitive to touch. In general, the harder the penis can become, the more pleasant the sensations from the touch. Other physiological changes occur. As the erection grows, the heart and breathing rate increases. During the initial stages of arousal, before erection occurs, the testicles and scrotum feel quite large and soft, and are very sensitive to touch. Gentle pressure on the testicles with the fingertips produces particularly pleasant sensations. As the erection proceeds, the testicles change as well, increasing in size by up to 50% as they also fill with blood. They become harder and are drawn up to the body as the point of ejaculation becomes nearer and nearer.
Many men think that an erection must ordinarily proceed to an orgasm and ejaculation, but this is not necessarily so. By repeatedly massaging and then stopping the manual stimulation of the penis, a man can go through many erection cycles that do not necessary need to lead directly to orgasm. With each cycle, often the man can learn to take a bit more stimulation without ejaculating.
Research indicates that stimulation of the septum, a portion of the brain known to be a part of the limbic system, results in the feeling of an orgasm, but this stimulation produces neither an erection nor ejaculation. These findings support the theory that ejaculation and orgasm, though often linked together, are, indeed, separate events. Interestingly, this research finding also lends credence to the theories of those authors who advocate the view that men can learn to have multiple, closely-spaced, orgasms.
Learning how to achieve an erection just below the level, which will lead to ejaculation, is an important part of sexual enjoyment. It is important for the man to learn how to read his body’s signals that orgasm and ejaculation are near. Psychologists call the point where the man can no longer delay orgasm the “point of inevitability” There are several physical indications. First, the hole in the tip of the penis will become more slit-like. Precum production will stop. Generally if the fluid at the tip of the penis becomes milky, the point of inevitability is already past.
Learning how to lengthen the arousal and erection period while delaying orgasm is an important part of maximizing enjoyment from sex. As the erection proceeds, the physical sensations become increasingly more and more exciting, and the psychological pressure to ejaculate becomes more and more intense. The trick is to lean to keep the stimulation just below the level required for ejaculation while learning to deal with the increasing psychological pressure to ejaculate. Like driving a racing car closer and closer to a wall at ever high speeds, the psychological pleasure becomes more and more intense, the longer the arousal can be maintained without ejaculation, but the greater the enjoyment for the man. Furthermore, the longer this stage can be maintained, the more powerful and enjoyable the orgasm will be for the man. Thus, developing skills for doing this and dealing with the psychological desire to ejaculate for as long as possible are essential for the full enjoyment of partner (and solo) sex, and this is what requires practice. Women usually require a somewhat longer period of time to become fully aroused, so being able to delay orgasm potentially increases the enjoyment of sex by both partners.
All of the sections of the erect penis are not equally sensitive. Thus, by varying locations being stimulated, the man can perhaps delay orgasm. Stimulation of the base of the penis, near the body, while pleasant, normally will not be sufficient to achieve orgasm. The underside of the tip of the penis, called the frenulum, is very sensitive to manual stimulation. If this area of the erect penis is stimulated very much, an orgasm (and ejaculation) will occur almost immediately. Thus it is important to not stimulate this region, at least not until late in the sex play.
The prostate is a little further up, but close by. I have heard varying opinions as to whether it is possible to externally massage the prostate by touching the perineum area, but I believe it is possible. Massaging the prostate, a walnut-size gland responsible for secreting most of the liquid contained in semen can be very pleasant, and some men do this by inserting a gloved finger directly inside the rectum, as the gland is located only about an inch inside.
Tabacco: Sounds like a Digital Rectal Exam without the Medical Degree!
He Dribbles! He Shoots!
Generally the more frequently a man has an ejaculation, the less force that ejaculation will have. This results in a shorter shooting distance. Most of the differences, however, appear to be both genetic and age-related. Some men are able to shoot longer distances than other men, and younger men tend to have greater force of ejaculation then older men. The book “Man’s Body” indicates that after prolonged abstinence – more than three days – a man may be able to shoot 3 feet or more, but the average is 7 to 10 inches with more frequent ejaculation. If one is able to ejaculate two to three hours after his previous ejaculation, the semen just dribbles out. The ability to shoot long distances not only declines generally with age, but probably varies somewhat according to the hardness of the erection, too.
The prostate contribution is responsible for the characteristic odor. The fluid from the seminal vesicles is high in fructose, a type of naturally occurring sugar, which provides primary nourishment for the sperm in their travels.
Testosterone Cycles, Refractory Periods, and “Wet” Dreams
The internet references I have checked suggest that the generally pleasant feelings of satiety, a lack of interest in further sexual activity and sleepiness following the male orgasm (which many women do not appear to fully understand or appreciate) are primarily linked to a chemical called oxytocin that is released during orgasm. If a man has an orgasm in the early morning hours, he may want to sleep afterward for an hour or two at minimum. Testosterone levels in the body tend to rise, not fall, for a period of time after orgasm. Sexual activity (intercourse or masturbation) prior to sleep in the evening may act as an excellent, natural sleeping pill.
Most men have a daily cycle of testosterone levels that peaks somewhere between 4:00 and 6:00 a.m. This coincides with the period of time when many men have early morning erections, but some research has revealed that these early morning erections are more a result of involuntary reflexes during dream sleep–not the sexually explicit content of the dream nor the testosterone level in the body. Most men, however, (including me) have certainly had the experience of abruptly waking from an erotic dream to discover an erection on the verge of ejaculation, and I question whether these research findings are completely valid.
Taboo Topics: Masturbation
Masturbation remains a taboo topic within much of American society. Parents who openly discuss nearly any other sexual behavior topic with their children often are embarrassed when the subject of masturbation is approached. There are biblical passages, which suggest, at least in some people’s minds, that masturbation is sinful. And the “Boy Scout Manual” in the 1940s made note that masturbation was somehow harmful. Various physical maladies over time have been associated with or blamed on masturbation. Examples include pimples (nearly every adolescent boy has them, so there must be a connection) lack of agility and ability in sports, near-sightedness, and even blindness.
Virtually all males masturbate, though some more frequently than others. Masturbation usually continues throughout adulthood, even when other forms of sexual activity are available. Most adolescent males are very embarrassed their self-stimulation activities. Only a small percentage of male adolescents discuss their masturbation even with close male friends, and most are terrified that their friends will find out. Many are also terrified that they will be ” discovered in the act” by a parent. So, many adolescent males learn to get it over quickly, to minimize the chance of being discovered. Only later in life do they learn that the ability to delay orgasm is very important to learn in order to maximize sexual pleasure. So all the “quickie” techniques must be unlearned.
Although as a man ages, the frequency of masturbation tends to gradually decline, but continues even for most married men. Some men believe they should not do this when they have opportunities for sexual activity with their partners and therefore try not to masturbate, in part, because they believe that masturbation implies partner rejection. As a result, they try to hide this from their wives (often by picking times and places where their wife is not around. But I have visited with a number of men who have wives who are quite aware of their husband’s masturbation practices and, indeed, encourage it. Some of the most happily married men I have encountered are those whose wives enjoy mutual masturbation, which becomes a regular part of the sexual activity.
Part of the psychological problem that most men face is that this is a difficult subject to bring up with a partner, because any expressed interest in masturbation might be interpreted by the partner as a form of rejection. Unattached single men, and gay men, of course, tend to masturbate more frequently than married men. For gay men in a relationship, mutual masturbation is a primary sexual outlet, if not the primary one.
Sexual Orientation and Preference Issues
Even the terms “sexual orientation” and “sexual preference” are controversial. I have visited with a number of gay men who strongly prefer the term “sexual orientation” rather than the term “sexual preference”. The vast majority of gay men believe that sexual orientation is not a matter of choice but is instead genetically programmed at conception. They do not see sexual orientation as anything that is chosen any more than eye color is chosen. The term sexual preference suggests a degree of choice. That being gay is genetically programmed argues that environmental effects (home, parents) have no impact at all on whether an individual is straight or gay.
To a certain degree, contemporary science is moving toward the view that sexual orientation is genetically programmed, although existence of a gay gene or genes have not yet been confirmed. There have been some intriguing clues that genetics does indeed play at least the major role.
The basic problem with the genetic explanation for sexual orientation is that it suggests that everyone is either straight or gay. But the real world contains many individuals not so easily explained in such a simple categorization. Not only are there guys who can be sexually aroused by either sex, there are many guys who are quite uncertain of their sexual orientation.
Many gay guys I have visited with are absolutely certain that they are gay because of their genes, These guys “knew” they were gay at a very early age, often even before puberty, some even as young as age seven or eight. These guys are often quite convinced that sexual orientation must be as simple for everyone as it is for them. Guys who appear to be less certain of their sexual orientation are sometimes viewed by these individuals with a certain amount of disdain–as individuals who are psychologically not confident enough yet to be “out”. I have visited with many men who are well past their teens and are still quite uncertain of their sexual orientation. I conclude that this is actually quite common. The media portray male sexuality as if most men are either straight or gay, with but a few men falling in a middle category that is potentially aroused by members of either sex. Many gays are aware of their sexual preference at a very early age; perhaps nearly from the moment they realized they were male and obviously there are many men, who are clearly heterosexual, or straight, and have no same-sex interests whatsoever.
Tabacco: I wonder how the author knows this to be True! On this subject, a man’s negatory word is unreliable!
However, I have visited with a surprising number of men where the preference is not nearly that clear. One book I have–Sexual Happiness for Men: A Practical Approach–that discusses sexual orientation issues lists seven different categories of sexual preference, depending on the relative arousal in and preference for same-sex versus different-sex activities. These categories are based on the original work by Alfred Kinsey (who, interestingly, was an entomologist by training). Using this categorization, bisexuals are only those who are equally aroused by both same- and different-sex activities, and thus have no preference for one over the other. Most men, however, do have some preference for one or the other.
Sexual orientation (preference) is, at least to a certain degree determined by whether a man is aroused by a member of the opposite sex or by a member of the same sex. You don’t get to tell your brain what you find arousing: your brain tells you! Very few straight men are so straight that there are not certain kinds of same-sex activities that are at least slightly arousing. Most heterosexual men, for example, would likely get a bit aroused if they were placed in a room with a group of other men who were all masturbating! Similarly, few gay men are so gay that they would not be aroused by any form of different-sex activity.
Sexual preference is often expressed by who the man falls in love with, and while what (or perhaps who) triggers the arousal mechanism is important, other factors are also involved, and expressions of same-sex sexual interest are quite common in situations where contact with members of the opposite sex is limited (army, boys schools, prisons, etc). When the situation changes these interests may recede as well, and many of these men return to a heterosexual life. Once a man discovers an activity that he finds very arousing, other available activities that are less arousing normally recede into the background. Thus, if a predominately though not exclusively heterosexual individual determines that certain kinds of different-sex activities are highly arousing, interests he might have had in same-sex activities will likely recede. Psychologists refer to this as a “psychodynamic” situation with outcomes that vary depending on the available options.
While many gays seem convinced that theirs was not a choice, this is not always the case, and it is possible for a man with some same-sex interests to go through life as a straight. I’m convinced this is part of what makes “coming out” difficult for many men with an interest in certain same-sex activities, because making a final decision is often not easy, and is a decision that cannot be easily reversed. This struggle seems to be critical for many of the men I have been visiting with who are having difficulty in deciding what their real sexual preference is. It is not surprising that this can be a difficult situation: A man who has come out as a gay will have difficulty if he decides that he wants to attempt to begin dating women, for example.
Men who do not appear to have a preference for one sex or another often face a lot of problems, and are largely treated as if they were gays by the straight community, but these individuals are frequently rejected by the gay community as well for not being truly gay or comfortable with their “true” sexual orientation. Some recent research has suggested that a much higher proportion of men can be aroused by same-sex activities and images than is represented by the percentage of men who actually go into same-sex relationships and live as gays. Most of the remainder of these men undoubtedly primarily if not exclusively live as heterosexuals. So being gay or being straight involves both the arousal triggering mechanism and the ultimate choice of a partner. Even more interestingly, these choices do not necessarily remain constant over time.
I had a chance to discuss sexual orientation issues with two different men, both in their 30s or 40s who both were married, and both, I believe, also had families. Both claimed to have “normal” sex lives with their wives. Interestingly, however, both of these men occasionally had same-sex encounters (not with each other but each with another man) leading to orgasm. The wives in each instance were apparently unaware of the gay relationship.
The decisions these two men faced were not simple. In one of the two cases, I was able to help the man come to the conclusion that ultimately the gay relationship could mean that he would have to leave his wife and family. He ultimately reached the conclusion that this was not a price he was willing to pay for the same-sex relationship.
In the other case, however, it was clear that the man was gradually leaning toward leaving his wife for the man he was having the affair with. I never did hear exactly what happened in this case, but I suspect very strongly that this man is no longer living with his wife. Despite the similar circumstances, each man likely made a different choice. I cite these cases to illustrate how complicated sexual preference can become!
Sexual Preference: Nature or Nurture?
Ultimately, is sexual preference largely determined by genetics, or does the environment (i.e. family upbringing) matter? That is an interesting and important question. Twenty years ago, the vast majority of psychologists believed that the environment under which a child grew up played a major role in determining sexual preference. Distant or absent fathers along with overbearing mothers were often blamed for same-sex preferences of, particularly, male children.
These theories of an environmental (family) basis for sexual preference have been increasingly discounted by researchers, as more credence has been placed on genetics. But even if genetics plays a major role in determining ultimate sexual preference, the rules under which the genetics laws must work are not simple.
Not too many years ago, the laws governing genetic inheritance were viewed by scientists as very simple, largely following rigid rules laid out by Gregor Mendel, a monk who studied genetics by observing characteristics of successive generations of peas, and other plants. Mendel basically concluded that there were dominant and recessive genes, with dominant genes ruling unless the individual inherited recessive genes from both parents. Individuals with but one dominant gene could still transmit recessive genes to their progeny. The inheritance of eye color is an example, with brown eye color being the dominant trait and blue eyes being recessive. If the individual inherited one gene for brown eyes from either parent, the eye color would be brown. Only if both parents provided the blue, recessive gene, then eye color would be blue.
These simple rules apply in most instances. But they did not explain the occasional green-eyed person, or the even rarer exception of people with one brown eye and one blue eye. These exceptions to the rigid laws–situations that didn’t quite conform to expectations–were often discounted by scientists as being unimportant. But in recent year, these “sloppy” exceptions to the rules have assumed increasingly importance, as more frequently, exceptions to the established laws were discovered. In many instances, for example, the effect of a recessive gene might not be completely masked by the dominant gene. Or, certain combinations of genes may have impacts on the person intermediate between their individual impacts. Eyes are not only brown or blue–they may be slightly brownish or slightly bluish. Or complicated interactions among several different genes may be involved.
There is increasing evidence pointing to a genetic basis for sexual preference, but just as in the cancer-smoking connection, that doesn’t mean that the role of environmental influences can be completely ruled out.
A simple model would suggest that being straight is the dominant trait (as is having brown eyes) whereas being gay is a recessive trait, from which recessive genes must come from both parents. But that model is far too simple. Only a model that incorporates an incomplete manifestation of genes or complex interaction among genes would be consistent with all the variations seen in human sexual preference. Further, while there may be a sexual preference programmed into our genetic makeup, the environment could still play a role, just as it likely does in the cigarette smoking-lung cancer connection.
A simple Mendel-like model of the inheritance of sexual preference would suggest that nearly everyone would be either straight or gay. In this Mendelian world, virtually all straights would be absolutely disinterested in same-sex activities, and nearly all gays would be totally disinterested in different-sex activities. There would be few, if any, bisexuals. But this does not conform to the real world, and reality instead suggests that there are a lot of people–both men and women, where sexual preference is not clear-cut.
In addition, this opens up the possibility that while genetics may be a factor in determining sexual preference, other environmental factors may still play a role, at least for a portion of the population. It is widely believed and probably well documented that men in prisons, students in single-gender schools etc. tend to engage in more same-sex activities than occurs within the population at large. Interest in same-sex versus different-sex activities is likely, in part, determined by the available options, and part by genetic programming. Further, for some individuals, sexual preference is not static but dynamic, with comparative preferences for same-sex versus different-sex activities changing over time. I am aware not only of married men who are seeking to move into a same-sex relationship instead, but also of men with gay partners who are seeking to dissolve the gay relationship and marry a female lover. So making the assumption that for everyone, sexual preference if rigidly preprogrammed and static oversimplifies the case as well. Psychologists have long known that it is possible many individuals who can be aroused by either same-sex or by different-sex relationships to “develop” either the straight or the gay sides of their personalities and have a degree of control over sexual preference. Thus, the basis (cause) for human sexual preference remains marvelously complex and interesting.
Straight society is often somewhat mystified by the specific sexual activities that gays engage in. Current thinking in psychology is that perhaps as much as one-third of the adult male population has, at one time or another, engaged in some form of same-sex activity leading to orgasm. It’s not uncommon, according to psychologists, for boys only recently past puberty to engage in mutual masturbation, or “jerk-off” sessions, with their male friends. Psychologists attach little significance to this sort of same-sex activity in terms of its implications for sexual preference. Psychologists refer to such activity as “incidental homosexuality, and do not necessarily believe that simply because young person, or even an adult man, irregularly engages in such activity that the man is gay.
However, many gay men are also very interested in mutual masturbation sessions where both partners manipulate their own or each other’s sex organs. Such activity may involve more than two men. The sex-oriented newsgroups are filled with personal ads from men who are looking for jerk-off partners, and Internet newsgroups have largely replace public restrooms for advertizing.
The true sexual orientation (preference) of many of these men can be ambiguous. Some men appear to attach no more significance to the activity than, say, going out for beer and a pizza, and simply treat it as an enjoyable way to spend an evening. I’ve visited with married men who occasionally “go out with the boys” to engage in mutual masturbation. These men claim to very much enjoy sex with their wives as well, have no intentions of leaving their wives, and simply regard the jerk-off sessions as a different and interesting sexual activity. In the instances I am aware of, the wives are unaware of what goes on when the husband has a night out with the boys. Another common activity is watching erotic videotapes while engaging in mutual masturbation by male friends.
Oral sex among gay couples is the next step, although even here some psychologists regard the oral sex as simply another manifestation of incidental homosexuality that does not provide sufficient evidence that the men involved are gay.
Anal intercourse is the type of sexual activity many psychologists regard as only taking place between men who are gay. This view, however, is by no means universally held, and some gay men I have discussed this with strongly disagree. I have talked with many men who regard themselves as gay never engage in anal sex. Some recent research suggests that anal intercourse ranks only third (behind mutual masturbation and oral sex) as the favored activity among gays.
Of course, the AIDS epidemic and the subsequent emphasis on safe(r) sex has substantially changed not only the views of gays about activities such as anal sex but also the comparative frequency of the various activities, so data collected in recent research may have (undoubtedly has) changed substantially from that collected 5 or 10 years ago.
Straights were initially confused by the spread of AIDS within the gay community. Most straights assumed that gays primarily engaged in activities such as mutual masturbation, which posed virtually no risk of disease transmission. The speed by which AIDS moved through the gay community strongly suggested to straights that anal sex was a favored sexual activity for many gays.
Many gay men who engage in anal sex have a preference for being either a “giver”(top) or a “receiver” (bottom). Others have no particular preference, and are willing to reverse roles. The appeal of anal sex among gays is linked directly to the location of the male prostate gland, which can be felt through the rectum a couple inches in. The prostate of the receiver is stimulated during anal sex.
Sadly, the risk of AIDS transmission in anal sex is much higher than in other forms of sexual activity among gays and anal sex is undoubtedly responsible for the vast majority of cases of sexual transmission among gays. While the AIDS virus can be transmitted via oral sex, the probability of transmission is very low, and would usually require open sores in the mouth. The rectum is very fragile and is easily torn in anal intercourse. Thus, anal intercourse can provide an excellent path for the transmission of the AIDS virus from semen to blood and from blood to penis. That relationships tend to be fragile and short-lived, that anal intercourse was a favored sexual activity for many gays, and the easy transmission of the AIDS virus through the rectum has in large measure been responsible for the AIDS epidemic among the gay community. There are many sexual activities that gays could (and increasingly do) enjoy which would pose essentially zero risk of disease transmission–mutual masturbation, sex play involving clothing, sex toys and the like.
This concludes my essay on “Understanding Male Sexuality.” Human sexuality is a fascinating topic. I hope that I have dealt openly and fairly with these topics and provided some information that, till now, has not been readily available, and, in some cases, even widely known. I appreciate your interest in the topic. If you have questions or comments, feel free to write me, David Sebringsil.
Last Updated January 18th, 2000
Two Personal Recollections:
1- Mr. Particular: I cannot forget his name even though it occurred around 1970 – Jonathan Swift. The writer of ‘Gulliver’s Travels’ had same name. Jonathan was in 18-22-age range, brown skinned and slightly shorter than I. I always saw him with ‘Mammy’ from GWTW types. Curiosity got the best of me, so I asked him about it. He was quite proud of his Idiosyncrasy. Every time he had a new conquest, he introduced his new ‘Mammy’ to me. Apparently those relationships were never long-lasting.
2- Mr. Equal Opportunity: Again in early 1970s on Fordham Road in the Bronx near the Grand Concourse, I watched a brown skinned midget (literally). Apparently size, age, race nor weight – none of those particulars concerned him. This was a matter of ‘keep on pitching till you score’! Every woman, who passed him, had her hand squeezed and her ear pitched! And he brushed off rejections – of which there were quite a few – with apparent indifference and equal equanimity. Finally, the best of the lot – an attractive, healthy female about twice his height – succumbed to his entreaties. He was holding her hand, and the smile on her face was undeniable as I crossed the street to cease meddling and proceeded to mind my own business. I did not need to see visual confirmation of his ultimate success. That was a great lesson in salesmanship!
SOME SEXUAL HISTORY
“Modern sexuality offers a two-tiered dichotomy based on sexual preference. A homosexual is characterized by his exclusive sexual preference for same-sex relationships. Similarly, a heterosexual favors exclusive sexual relationships with members of the opposite sex. Ancient sexuality, on the other hand, finds its basis in status. The active partner, i.e. the partner of a higher social status, assumes the role of the penetrator; whereas, the passive partner, i.e. the partner of inferior social status, takes on the penetrated position.”
www.princeton.edu/~clee/paper.html – Malakos
Our modern preoccupation with sexuality has depended on a distinction between homo- and hetero-. That gender-changing operations and other, less dramatic transgender behavior is blurring our neat borders should help us understand the very different Roman attitudes. Today you can have a lesbian who was born a man and a gay male who was born a woman or a male in prison who behaves in ways that to the outside world appear homosexual, but to the prison community do not, alongside the more traditional homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual roles.
Instead of today’s gender orientation, ancient Roman (and Greek) sexuality can be dichotomized as passive and active. The socially preferred behavior of a male was active; the passive part aligned with the female.
“The relation between the ‘active’ and ‘passive’ partner is thought of as the same kind of relation as that obtaining between social superior and social inferior.
www.princeton.edu/~clee/paper.html – Malakos
But before I go further, let me stress: this is an oversimplification.
[For another, less simplified view, see: letter]
To Be an Ancient Roman Male in Good Standing
“…Walters makes a crucial distinction between ‘males’ and ‘men’: ‘Not all males are men, and therefore impenetrable.’ In particular, he refers to the special nuance of the term vir, which ‘does not simply denote an adult male; it refers specifically to those adult males who are freeborn Roman citizens in good standing, those at the top of the Roman social hierarchy – those, who are sexually impenetrable penetrators’”
“… since the concepts ‘heterosexual’ and ‘homosexual’ did not exist, but there does seem to be a high degree of correlation between the conduct of men identified as cinaedi and that of some men now labeled ‘homosexuals,’ though it must be appreciated that the modern term is clinical while the ancient one is emotional and even hostile, and that both have been imposed from outside.”
To be an ancient Roman male in good standing meant you initiated penetrating acts of sex. Whether you did this with a female or a male, slave or free, wife or prostitute, made little difference — as long as you were not on the receiving end, so to speak. [See Catullus XVI.] Certain people were off-limits, though, and among them were free youths.
This was a change from the Greek attitude which, again to simplify, condoned such behavior in the context of a learning environment. [See Ancient Greek Eroticism.] The ancient Greek education of its youth had begun as training in the arts necessary for battle. Since physical fitness was the goal, education took place in a gymnasium (where physical training was in the buff). Over time the education came to encompass more academic parts, but instruction in how to be a valuable member of the polis continued. Often this included having an older male take a younger (post-pubescent, but still unbearded) one under his wing — with all that entailed.
For the ancient Romans, who claimed to have adopted other “passive” behaviors from the ancient Greeks,
“Although later Romans sometimes asserted that homosexuality was imported from Greece, by the close of the 6th century B.C.E, Polybius reported, there was widespread acceptance of homosexuality [Polybius, Histories, xxxii, ii].”
Lesbian and Gay Marriages
free youths were untouchable. Since adolescents were still appealing, Roman males gratified themselves with youthful slaves. It’s thought that in the baths (in many ways, successors to the Greek gymnasia), freed men wore a talisman around their necks to make it clear their naked bodies were untouchable.
So, is Homosexuality really ‘Unnatural’? I guess it depends on how psychologically resistant the particular male is to pleasurable sensations received from anal penetration by another male!
From Ancient Romans & Greeks, we already know that males penetrating other males for pleasure is and was rampant. Now we have finally solved the mythological mystery concerning males on the receiving end of digitals and other male appendages.
If a female worries that her ‘man’ is somewhat less than a man because he invites her to digitally penetrate his anus during sex, I suggest she should worry more if he ceases making that request than if he makes it regularly. The options will please her even less!
Let’s see what no less of an authority than George W. Bush has to say on the subject of PLEASURE:
Tabacco: Now, cease that laughter! I’m sure that George W. Bush didn’t really mean what YOU think he means with that particular aphorism! Wouldn’t that be a kick in the teeth!
In conclusion, sometimes we say we believe or know things because we cannot face the ALTERNATIVE SCENARIO! However, folks, wishing don’t make it so – now does it!
THE SHORT LIST
Ricky Martin and other MENUDO grads
can or could all testify to the pleasures of Homosexual penetration if they have or had enough Chutzpah that is! And they have all been lusted after by the Female of the Species, but preferred to get their pleasures elsewhere!
*not existing in nature; artificial: absolutely not!
*affected or stilted: irrelevant!
*lacking feelings of kindness and sympathy that are considered to be natural: other than Rape, no type of sexuality would apply here!
And American Psychiatry no longer considers Homosexuality a ‘Mental Disease’, which means they were WRONG! If Homosexuality is NOT a ‘Mental Disease’ now, then it never was!
Therefore, Homosexuality is NEITHER ‘Unnatural’ nor a ‘Mental Illness’! QED
Unfortunately because of the Homophobic Pressure applied by Society and the Unrealistic Expectations placed upon ALL Young Males in this Society, sometimes the physical response to rectal stimulation leads that juvenile to believe he is already ‘Gay’ before the Fat Lady has sung.
Not all Youths, who engage in Homosexual Activities, will remain unmarried, childless or Homosexual! SO DON’T PANIC!
If Biblical Scribes could draw erroneous conclusions, then so can teenage boys!
Silly Parents, Silly Teachers, Silly Friends, Silly Girlfriends, Silly Sisters, Silly Brothers, Silly Aunts, Silly Uncles & Silly Well-meaning Interested Parties unwittingly PUSH them over the BRINK once their Juvenile ‘Indiscretions’ become Public Knowledge! To those of YOU, who fit that description, WHY DON’T YOU JUST LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE & MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS! Your Censure & Well-meaning Advice won’t help, and it just might make things worse!
Ordering a boy, who has had pleasurable Homosexual relations, to “ONLY mess with girls!” might just do the Trick and create one more Drag Queen! I think we have enough of those already! Hell, Drag Queens rarely date each other!
PSS Google or Bing ‘Koala Swim & Underwear for Men’ if you dare – I’m not publishing the pictures here – Tabacco doesn’t have that much chutzpah!!!
But here’s a sample that might make Prince blush:
Tabacco: I consider myself both a funnel and a filter. I funnel information, not readily available on the Mass Media, which is ignored and/or suppressed. I filter out the irrelevancies and trivialities to save both the time and effort of my Readers and bring consternation to the enemies of Truth & Fairness! When you read Tabacco, if you don’t learn something NEW, I’ve wasted your time.
Tabacco is not a blogger, who thinks; I am a Thinker, who blogs. Speaking Truth to Power!
In 1981′s ‘Body Heat’, Kathleen Turner said, “Knowledge is power”.
T.A.B.A.C.C.O. (Truth About Business And Congressional Crimes Organization) – Think Tank For Other 95% Of World: WTP = We The People